Same ol’ same ol’ snake oil

Until science comes up with a solution, we will keep getting older. And with age comes health issues—the inevitable consequence of enzymes drying up, tendons tightening, and muscles loosening.

Like many people my age, I’m interested in ‘wellness’ as a concept. I mean, I can hit old age in the best possible shape; it will make my twilight years a lot more pleasant.

Lately, I’ve read a number of articles in reputable places (too reputable to mention or list here) and been disturbed to realise how frequently they are actually sales pitches for modern-day ‘snake oil’. Fortunately, these articles all seem to follow a similar template and are, therefore, easy to identify.

The template for selling dodgy health products:

  1. Instill concern in the mind of the reader by quoting statistics that demonstrate their personal health is at risk. For example, at the start of the article there is a “startling fact” such as “90% of Americans don’t get enough vitamin B12″. That means you!
  2. Build credibility by quoting eminent scientists, particularly Nobel Prize winners. Everyone trusts a Laureate.
  3. Offer a solution that’s unique to a single company or product.
  4. Reinforce credibility by the use of metrics that sound scientific, but are actually quite meaningless. Typically something like: “Our vitamin B12 has a 27% higher metabolic conversion than our competitors”.
  5. Sound like a physician and give very exact, pedantic instructions on dosing, etc. Ignoring the fact that the reader may be a 100lb teenage girl, or a 300lb 60 year old man.

Sometimes, the author will helpfully lay out the above points in an individual paragraph. But, sometimes, you must work a little to put a checkmark on all the above points. Next time you read a wellness article that seems to solve your health questions or concerns, go through this checklist.